She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
