Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
