Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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