I hope my margaritas pass through security.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
