I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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