his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize