Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
