Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my poor anus
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
