I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
