Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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