I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
