actually, I'm a sock model
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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