so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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