I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
