I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
