Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
