He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
