me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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