whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
