you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize