She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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