.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
