I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
