drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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