I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dignity is for republicans.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
