she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
