I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
