There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
