i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
