I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
