New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
