THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
