Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
