last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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