Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
