You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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