You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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