Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
