i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize