i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize