The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
