what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
