In the future we'll all be gay
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize