he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
