why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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