4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
