3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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