Buhtt sex?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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