Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
