there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
