She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The power of my boobs compel you
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
