What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my poor anus
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
