she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
