am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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