just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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