and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
