...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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