i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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