the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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