bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
