Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
