She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think people are normalizing furries
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
