Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
