Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
