hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
