Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
