I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
