I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
