What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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