get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
