Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
