You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Fuck appropriateness.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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