He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
