her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
