so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
