so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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