who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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