It's like God shit irony all over that family
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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