D3 body, D1 cock
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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