Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
