Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
