How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
