i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You took a bar mat shot.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
