I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
