I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize