Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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