I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
