just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
