There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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