just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
