see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
