But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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