She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
