Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
