bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
