i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
