He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
