If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize