This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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