he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
