Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
