Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
