I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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